


Need to Know

by Lise (thissugarcane)



Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-14 19:20:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28675851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thissugarcane/pseuds/Lise
Summary: Hera hears about the lullabies from General Airen once they get to Yavin IV.Set between season three and four.
Relationships: Kanan Jarrus/Hera Syndulla
Kudos: 22





	Need to Know

**Author's Note:**

> Just a quick something I forgot about, found, and dusted off. Not entirely canonical; written before I saw season four. Themes of suicide in the context of capture (i.e. lullabies).

Hera hears about the lullabies from General Airen once they get to Yavin IV.

To be fair to the General, he assumes she'd been briefed already; and it probably wasn't up to him to ensure a Fulcrum's cell was up to date on rebel intelligence proceedings. But ever since Malachor--

"You're what?" Hera asked again.

The General paused, watching her. "It's too risky," he tells her quietly. "With what they know."

"You mean what _we_ know," Hera corrects him.

There's a simmering boil of anger in her stomach, as Airen says, "Yes. With what you, and your crew, know."

"There is no way that--"

"General Syndulla," Airen interrupts, and by the stars if Hera doesn't glance around her for a moment, wondering when her father arrived -- before she remembers, right, he's talking to _her_ \-- "This is the price of being on the inside." He's not angry, or harsh. 

He doesn't sound like her father at all, when he tells her, "You wish to have the kind of intelligence about our operation that could put the entire rebellion at risk, and you wish to continue to operate in the field. This is the price." 

He nods down to his outstretched hand, where the innocuous little capsule sits: ten pills, two per crew member, two per--

She swallows around the lump in her throat. "I understand my knowledge of -- that I could be a risk, if I'm captured," Hera tries. 

She understands that, logically, in order to protect the rebellion there's a chance she might have to sacrifice herself before she can give away anything vital. But.

"Your crew know what you know, now," Airen counters. Firm.

Hera shakes her head. "I can't, I _won't_ ask this of them. You can't expect me to."

General Airen gives her a hard look, and then whatever he sees in her face means his gaze softens. Still, all he says is, "In or out, General."

Hera feels her stomach roil, but she takes the capsule.

-

She doesn't tell Kanan. She goes to find Sabine, because if anyone could understand the horror of what she's been asked to do -- what she's been ordered to tell her crew -- it will be the girl who ran from an Imperial academy.

Sabine isn't surprised. "I'm actually kind of surprised it took them this long," she tells Hera, voice low.

Hera stares at her. She licks her lips, tries to speak. Can't.

Sabine closes her hand over Hera's, and slowly takes the capsule. She twists it, slips two little pills out. One goes into her glove, the other is tucked into the lining at the neck of her armour. Sabine does it like she knows exactly where a lullaby would fit, which makes no sense, since Mandalorians don't surrender.

She puts the capsule back into Hera's outstretched hand. Only then does she say, "Hera." An entreaty.

Good, Hera thinks, the girl finally understands how terrible this--

"Think about what they'll do to us if we're captured," Sabine says. "This is fast acting. Less than a minute."

When Hera doesn't move, Sabine takes a gloved hand and wraps Hera's fingers around the capsule again.

-

Not an hour later, Ezra comes to find _her_.

The capsule is tucked away in Hera's boot, eight pills left. Two for her, two for Zeb who'll be out in Wild Space before Hera gives them to him. Four that will never, ever leave the--

"Sabine said I needed to talk to you."

Hera shakes her head. "There's nothing to discuss, Spectre Six."

"Oh?" Ezra smirks, trying for annoying. "I heard new protocols were in place. You aren't going to fill me in?"

Hera shakes her head, sharp. "I decide what protocols are in place on my ship."

He counters easily, "So you're going to risk someone who's regularly captured going in without a backup plan?"

Sorrow fills Hera, for a moment. This child should be meditating on trees. He should be safe, and loved, with parents who could shield him. Not with people who'd ask...this.

Ezra looks at her, and drops the smirk. He's subdued, but not angry. He puts a hand on his hip, when Hera doesn't answer, and sighs. He opens his mouth, closes it. Shakes his head, impatient. Hera sees a flash of teenage frustration, the why-are-adults-so-slow look that infuriates everyone but Kanan on a good day.

Finally, he sits on Hera's bunk, next to her. He jostles her shoulder with his own. Then Ezra says flatly, hand outstretched, "Better this, than they turn me. You know what that looks like."

Hera hasn't tangled with an Inquisitor yet. Not directly. But she saw that sith lord, and Ezra, he's strong enough to defeat Inquisitors with only two years' training.

She shivers, involuntarily, and when she glances at Ezra, he gives her a knowing look. Hera pulls the capsule out and hands over two pills.

-

When they get back to Lira San, for the last time (not the last time, Hera hopes, some day she'll be able to visit Zeb and some day things will be better and--), Hera watches as Sabine pulls the Lasat aside.

She watches as she slips something into Zeb's hand, a clap on the back; she watches as the Lasat responds, serious.

Hera tries to pretend she doesn't know what's happening, but she doesn't have to look in her hiding space, somehow, to know there'll only be four pills left.

-

It doesn't matter who orders her or what the risk is or even -- or. Hera will not tell Kanan of this.

There are good reasons -- he's the one most likely to take the pill, he's the one that will balance his life against other lives and find himself in last place, always, always. He's already thrown himself on the fire to save them, once. Kanan is active in the field, and even though he says he wants no part in the rebellion, there are those who still look to him for leadership, who see the Jedi.

Hera knows there are good reasons for not allowing Kanan to sacrifice himself for the greater good, as well: that he _is_ a leader, that he _is_ a Jedi. That Ahsoka is gone.

Hera tells herself those are the reasons, but they aren't.

She can't. She won't. General Airen will have to accept that. That's all.


End file.
